[Helicopter Whirring]
[Birds Chirping]
So I ain't sure if it's the right thing to do...
but I was hoping you would help me out just this one last time.
[Woman] Boy, where you at?
I'll be back later. I promise.
Dang it. I ain't never gonna get this right.
Come on, boy. Let's go. Hurry up.
Sorry I'm late. I was moving as fast as I could. Come on. Get in. Get in.
[Man Narrating] I suppose any great novel should start at the beginning.
In this case, the beginning would be hard to determine.
Does a story start with the introduction of the main character?
Or maybe it begins with the origin of the central conflict.
In any case, here's my great American story and the way it starts.
Perfect.
[Typing]
[Man] My God.
Hey, excuse me?
Could you please turn on the air conditioner?
- Don't work. - Oh, that's not good.
- Some chicken? - Uh, no, thank you.
- Egg? - No.
I hope we, uh, make it with no problem.
Got me a sour stomach.
Used to think it was that acid reflux...
or, you know, too many fried foods.
Tried all them antacids- Pepto-
Then I found out I had I.B.S.
That's a real condition too.
Oh, yes. I'd say it's a real bad condition.
Lookee here, lookee here.
Whoa. Uh, excuse me, sir. Do you really think that's a good idea?
Hold on, young'un. I know what I'm doing.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. [Chuckles]
There's all kinds of peppers.
You got red peppers and bell peppers and...
you got jalapeno peppers and banana peppers.
Banana peppers. I'm telling you. More peppers than you can shake a stick at.
Oh, yeah. Whoo!
[Laughs]
That's what I'm talkin' about right there.
Mmm-mmm. And then you got your pepper steak.
That's not a real pepper, but that's just steak with peppers on it.
Oh, boy.
Yep. There you go. Davis house.
Here. Take these in. Tell her I'll pick 'em up on Saturday.
- Okay, Mr. Percy. - Thank you, Gabriel.
Here. I'll take these.
¢Ü¢Ü[Woman Singing, Indistinct]
Do you know that boy?
Small town. Everybody knows everybody.
- Huh. - Welcome home, boy.
¢Ü¢Ü[Singing Ends]
Hello! Hello!
- Ugh. - [Woman] Gabriel, is that you?
Wow.
Oh, my God. Sheldon. Sheldon!
[Both Laughing]
Look at you! Oh, my God!
Dear Lord, look- look at you!
- Look at you. - Oh, this is great.
Not quite.
Oh. Hey, little man, how you doing?
- Good. - Good.
Oh, Sheldon, it's been so long.
Jackie, where's Mom?
All right. Okay. Come on.
- [Gabriel] Grandma! Grandma! - Little man!
Oh, little man! Come give your grandma a hug! Oh, look at my boy!
- How was your trip? - Great! I took a plane and everything.
- You took a plane. - Hello, Mother.
Oh, I knew you'd like that. [Laughing]
Mama, it's Sheldon. Ain't you gonna say something?
I'm so proud of you, baby. I am.
You sent him on a plane... by himself.
You sent him on a plane.
Boy, don't speak to me in that tone.
- Come on, baby. - [Gabriel] Okay.
Come on. Let's go upstairs. You can tell me all about your trip. Okay?
- So? - So?
Well, what's going on?
Why would you send a young man like that by himself?
He is a smart boy. He can take care of hisself.
Looks to me like he did all right.
- What's wrong with you? - Excuse me?
- What's wrong with you? - What are you asking me, Sheldon?
Know what? From now on, my name is Patrick.
Okay? Call me Patrick from now on.
You were born Sheldon. Your name is Sheldon.
What in the world were you thinking? Who is that kid?
He's a boy who needs to know his daddy.
Excuse me? I am not his daddy.
- You think you know everything. - Well, I know that that kid is not my son!
Keep your voice down. I don't want that child to hear you.
Well, he needs to know. He needs to know how crazy his grandmother is.
Well, if I'm his crazy grandma, then you are his daddy.
- Oh, God, this is insane! - Huh!
Mama, I do not have a son.
Yes, you do.
It's not that this is- this is impossible.
He is living and breathing right upstairs. You can see that, can't you?
You and I know that I can't have a daughter, a son, or anything like that.
Talk plain to me, Sheldon. What you trying to tell me?
- Damn it! - Damn it?
I told you, this is my house! In my household, you let me-You are-
- Would you two stop this? - Jackie, she's crazy!
I'm crazy enough to go upside your head with this corn-bread pan!
You know what? I don't even know why I came back here.
I don't know why you came back either!
- Why did you start in with him? - Hmm!
Yes. Departures.
Departures.
New York. New York.
You know, you-Agents.
Operator?
Hello. Hi. Yes. I need the first available flight out to New York, please.
Hello? Hello?
- We don't get good reception out here. - Oh, damn.
- I'm sorry, Sheldon. - Hmm.
When Mama asked me for your information, I thought she was just gonna reach out.
Reach out? Reach out like the grim reaper reaches out.
Reach out like the cold grip of death.
Sheldon, it's been a long time. Mama's changed.
- [Scoffs] - She's mellow.
- Oh, that was mellow? - You just caught her off guard.
Come on, Sheldon. Give her a chance. What have you got to lose?
Oh, my peace of mind, my sanity, my soul.
- Sheldon. - Ugh. She's evil, Jackie.
- She is not evil. - [Scoffs]
Okay, maybe just a little bit.
Exactly.
Sheldon, just- Can't you just talk to her?
- Talk about what? - Gabriel, for one thing.
Okay, Jackie, I do not have a son.
You should talk to her. Please?
Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa.
Whoa.
Uh, departures. No, no, no. Operator. Operator.
[Footsteps Approaching]
An old man in a taxicab dropped this off.
Oh. [Chuckles] Yeah, Percy.
Light on the starch, heavy on the perfume.
Just put it down over there.
Uh-
[Sighs] You know, you work too hard.
Ain't nothing wrong with hard work. Gotta pay the bills somehow.
You know, and that smoking is really not good for you.
Mm-hmm.
Can we talk?
Yeah. Let's talk.
Whew. Jesus.
Sheldon, not in my house.
Okay. Mama, can you please just call me Patrick?
Your name is Sheldon.
Your middle name might be Patrick, but you were born Sheldon.
That's your father's name. That's your name. Sheldon.
Okay, okay. Why don't we just go ahead and skip the whole name thing...
and just take it step by step?
All right. Let's get to steppin'.
- Tell me about Gabriel. - Ain't nothing to tell.
That's your son. You're his daddy.
Mama, don't you think that I would know that?
The boy is 10 years old.
Now, 10 years ago, you must have done something with somebody.
[Chuckling]
Christine.
That name ring a bell?
Christine? No, I don't know any Christine.
Christine?
She was always coming around here lookin' for you.
Fat girl, standing at the backdoor...
always looking for a snack.
Oh. Yeah. You're talking about Cookie.
Yeah. Cookie.
Oh, my God.
Oh. Cookie?
Yeah. Cookie.
Ow.
- You okay? - No.
You need some water or some lemonade?
Oh, he don't need no lemonade.
[Grunts]
- My chest is tight. - I guess this qualifies as a special occasion.
There you go.
Ah! Ugh!
Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me get this straight.
- Gabriel- - That's your son.
- And I'm- - Big daddy.
Big daddy. Oh.
Well, what happened to his mother?
- Phew! - [Jackie] Well-
Well, where is she? Where's Cookie?
Well, that's- that's kind of a hard story, Sheldon.
- Damn shame. - Well, what happened?
Well, I'm gonna let Jackie tell that story.
Okay. Well, um, it all started about...
two or three years after you left town.
That poor Cookie, she was a goddamn mess.
I mean, she was just all destroyed after you left.
She cryin'all the time, yellin' out your name.
We didn't even know about Gabe at that point.
Okay. All right. So what-what happened?
Well, you know, she tried to get her life on track.
She was still a big girl.
- Big? - Ooh, real big.
- Big? - All right, real big.
She joined up with a big-girl stripper troupe.
They would travel around the lodges and restaurants and bars...
fat-boy bachelor parties-
any place where men wanted to see big booties in G-strings.
Now, personally, I think that's nasty.
I don't know why anybody would want to see anything like that.
Big old booties hanging out of a G-string...
like a uneven apple on one side and then all flabby, you know, on the-
Mama, please, just tell me what happened.
Well, okay.
In any case, they had just finished doin' a show.
I think it was at Ruby's House of Chickens and Ribs.
- Yep. - And they got back on the tour bus.
- The driver was one of the girls in the tour. - Uh-huh.
Well, apparently, the driver reached for a rib...
that was left over in her purse...
[Sighs] And didn't see the deer in the road.
Oh, my God. So she hit the deer.
No. Apparently, she got barbecue sauce in her eyes...
and the bus just went careening off the side of the road.
- What? - Everybody was killed.
Freak fat stripper accident.
- Oh. - And while they were cleaning up the wreckage...
they found Gabriel's birth certificate hidden inside a take-out menu.
A take-out menu.
Mm-hmm. And that's when Gabe came here to live with us.
Yeah, it was just recently he started to ask about his daddy, and...
well, I guess that just got the ball rolling and here you are.
Boy, what you doing?
I'm writing a check. You know, I didn't sign up for this.
So why don't you call me if there's an emergency...
or you need an organ transplant or something?
Boy, you're gonna need a transplant if you don't get up there and talk to that boy.
Sheldon! Now, why is he so strange?
- Mm-mmm. - Lord.
- So, how do you like living with Aunt Jackie? - And Gran. She's cool.
Huh. Give it time. Give it time.
- I tried telling you. - Yeah, about that-You know, I'm sorry.
I'm just not really good at, uh-Anyway.
- You don't like kids, do you? - No.
I mean- I mean, no, I don't not like kids.
I mean, they're real little people.
You know? And they're- they're great if you like kids.
[Chuckles] But which I do.
I do. It's just, uh, kids.
You know?
[Sighs] Listen.
I'm really glad that we, you know, had this time to meet.
And I think that we're gonna end up being really great friends.
Okay. Well, you know, I think it's really getting late.
Oh, yeah. I better get to bed.
Okay. All right.
Okay. [Exhales]
[Chuckles] Well, that was easy.
[Sighs] Okay, Jackie, where is a guy to get some sleep around here?
- Your old room's right upstairs. - Oh, right.
But before you go, you finish these dishes.
- [Laughs] - Sheldon!
[Snoring]
- He don't look foreign. - He's not foreign. He's from New York.
- [Snoring] - He smells funny.
- It's probably fancy cologne. - Why is he wearing cologne? He have a date?
[Boy] It's this stuff.
- It smells good. - It's probably expensive.
Duh! Yeah. Everything in New York is expensive.
Why is he wearing that mask? He a superhero?
That's stupid.
Maybe he's a cat burglar.
- [Kids, Together] Ooh! - [Grunts, Gasps]
[All Screaming]
Oh. Kids.
[Grunts]
¢Ü¢Ü[Hip-hop Playing]
¢Ü¢Ü[Man Rapping]
¢Ü¢Ü[Continues]
[Clears Throat]
Oops. I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?
I didn't mean to, but I gotta get up early and practice my moves.
- Right. - The dance recital is next week...
and I gotta rehearse as much as I can.
They only pick the best, so I gotta be the best. Do you want to see the routine?
- Not really. - You must be Uncle Sheldon.
Mama told me all about you.
How long has it been? Ten years?
You sleep late, and you smell funny too.
- [Chuckles] - I'm your niece Pudge...
but you probably haven't seen me since I was two, huh?
- Pudge? - My real name is Jamika, but everybody calls me Pudge.
- You don't talk much. Are you always this quiet? - Hmm. You-
I watch Oprah, and Oprah says that being quiet...
is a sign that you feel like your words don't have value.
God.
- ¢Ü¢Ü[Continues] - What is all that stompin' upstairs?
- Well, good morning. - Good morning.
I don't know how they do it in New York, but we get up early around here.
Okay. Well, I forgot to pack a clock.
- Really? - Yes.
- [Jackie] Mama! - Yes?
- Mmm. - Old man Percy's on the phone.
Oh. He must be callin' about his order. Uh, tell him to call later and, um-
No, no, no. Tell him I'll call him back. No, no.
Tell him, um-Just tell him not to call. Hang up the phone. Hang up the phone.
- Mama, you all right? - I'm fine.
[Jackie] Percy-
Okay. Uh-
Why are you drinking coffee out of a straw?
Well, it stains your teeth, Mama.
- Oh, really? - Yes.
You know what? Is there someplace in town...
where I can get online and do some research on the Internet?
There ain't nothing on that Internet but porn and bad music.
You need to go to the library and crack a book.
There's computers at the library you can use.
- You can drop me off at the shop on the way. - Thank you, Jackie.
And after you do that, get back over here so you can take Gabe to school.
- Oh. Well- - Uh-uh. I don't have time for that. I don't want to hear it.
I got a whole lot of washing to do. Miss Norma Jean, she has a order in.
You remember her. She's real hard to please.
So in about a half hour, I want you to get back over here.
- And Gabe will be ready, won't you, honey? - Yes, ma'am.
- Get your bacon. Just two pieces. - [Gabriel] All right, Gran.
- You look so nice in this dress, Tanya. - Really?
- Yes. - You think so, Miss Jackie?
- Mm-hmm. - You're not just sayin' that?
Oh, no, no. You are so beautiful. Really.
Oh, thank you.
[Crying]
Oh. No. What? I'm sorry. Don't cry. What- What did I say?
- Nothing. It's just her hormones. - Ugh.
- [Woman] Girl, shut it up. - Clarine, just get the book!
- Get the book. - The book? The book?
Yeah, wedding magazines. They always cheer her up.
Kind of like a shot of tequila. Or a good man.
Clarine, that's my brother Sheldon. Sheldon, that's Clarine.
Oh, Sheldon, huh?
You married? Single? Anatomically correct?
Clarine! That's my brother!
Oh, girl, I'm just playin'. Ain't nothing wrong with havin' a little brotherly love.
Uh, well, no.
No. And-And, well, yes. [Chuckles]
Oh, you're so proper.
- Where are you from? - New York.
The Big Apple?
Ooh! East Side!
- You know Eddie Murphy? - No.
Biggie? Puffy?
- Tupac? - Tupac dead.
Oh, no, she didn't.
No, this heifer did not. See, you playin'.
Tupac is alive. See? It's a plot.
He over in Cuba somewhere kickin' it. You know what I'm sayin'?
They take all the good ones-
Martin, Malcolm, Don Cornelius.
- Don Cornelius? - Everybody dies. It's all so sad.
- The book, ho. Read the book. - Oh, yeah.
You know, I think I'm going to leave.
Yeah. Good. And don't be late picking me up...
because it's bingo night, and I'm making a potato salad.
Ooh. Bingo and potato salad. Don't want to miss that.
Smart-ass. 7:00.
Girl, how you make your potato salad? With relish or paprika?
- I'm not telling you. - Heifer.
I want some deviled eggs.
Whoo! Jesus.
[Sheldon Narrating] Since Cain and Abel...
kids have been fighting for the affection of their parents.
Erik and Lyle Menendez probably took that to a new level...
but my point is that sibling rivalry is nothing new.
And I'm sure that somewhere deep within the fairy tale...
even Hansel and Gretel had some parental issues.
Then there was my brother Eugene.
[Jackie] There are two emergency exits on either side of the row.
In case of an emergency, the lights on the floor will light up...
and lead you straight to-
There are two emergency exits on either side of the row.
- In case of an emergency, the lights on the- - Hey, so how was bingo night?
- Hey. - Hey.
- What's up? - Oh, you tell me.
- Nothing. - What were you doing?
- Just playin' around. - [Chuckles]
- Sheldon. - "Be a flight attendant."
- Sheldon! - "Travel the world."
Give it to me. Don't say nothing to Mama.
Why not? I mean, it's about time you do something.
Why should I be the only one to get out of this place?
And that's the point. I don't wanna cause no stress.
- I did pass my first exam though. - My God, that's great!
Yeah, but don't say nothing.
Your secret is safe with me, okay?
[Sighs]
When did you move back in here?
Mmm, about two years ago.
Broke up with Pudge's daddy.
He was cheatin' on me.
And moved back in here, was gonna save some money, but you know how Mama is.
Yeah. She's like a black hole.
You talk to Eugene?
Sheldon, don't-
Sheldon. Sheldon!
Come back here!
What are you doin'?
Well, you're not that rusty. I think you know what I'm doin'.
Well, what did I say? What if people saw us? What would they think?
Well, they'd probably think we was havin' a good time.
- [Both Laugh] - Come on. Ain't nothing wrong with that, is there?
I ain't some loosey-goosey you can just press up against...
bring over your drawers for me to wash...
and then make me the talk of the town.
Loosey-goosey. I-I-Is that how you think I feel about you?
Look, we've been goin' together a long time...
and I believe we need to let go-
You know, let it go. Just let it come on out.
No.
- I love you, Evie. - Oh! And see? Now you just talkin' crazy.
- Evelyn Bernice Davis. - Huh?
There's been something I been wantin' to ask you for a long time.
Unless you askin' me to put more starch in your shirts, you best stand up.
But, Evelyn-
Come on, you old fool!
Look, I-I-I know you had it real bad with your first husband...
but I-I-I just want you to be happy.
Now, see, that's something you don't know nothing about! Now, look, I don't know-
I should have never gotten involved with a crazy old fool like you.
- Evelyn, come on! - Go on. Get out of here! Just get on out of here.
- Get on! Get! Get off my porch! - All right.
Get your ass off my porch.
¢Ü¢Ü[Man Singing]
- See you tomorrow. - ¢Ü¢Ü[Ends]
¢Ü¢Ü[Piano]
¢Ü Holy, holy ¢Ü
¢Ü Holy ¢Ü
¢Ü Lord God ¢Ü
¢Ü Almighty ¢Ü
¢Ü Early ¢Ü
¢Ü Early in the morning ¢Ü
¢Ü Our song ¢Ü
¢Ü Shall rise to thee, yeah ¢Ü
¢Ü Almighty ¢Ü
¢Ü God in three persons ¢Ü
- ¢Ü Yeah ¢Ü - ¢Ü Blessed Trinity ¢Ü
¢Ü Bless this Trinity ¢Ü
¢Ü Almighty God in ¢Ü
¢Ü Three persons ¢Ü
¢Ü Bless this Trinity ¢Ü
¢Ü Almighty ¢Ü
¢Ü God in three persons ¢Ü
- ¢Ü Blessed Trinity ¢Ü - ¢Ü Yeah ¢Ü
¢Ü Blessed Trini-¢Ü
¢Ü Trini-¢Ü
¢Ü Trinity ¢Ü
¢Ü Yeah, yeah ¢Ü¢Ü
- Oh! - ¢Ü¢Ü [Ends]
All right. Not bad. Not bad, altos.
All right, sopranos.
- But you all really need to give it to me on that last note. - Mm-hmm.
Sopranos, you too. Lettuce, you was fabulous.
- I know I hit my note. - That's right.
Now, Clarine and Jackie, you two divas need some work.
Tenors, wonderful.
Okay. I'll see everyone next week. And, Jackie, on time.
[Lettuce] Mm-hmm.
[Both Murmuring]
Uh, Jackie?
Jackie.
I hear my nephew done found his way back home.
- Heard already? Yeah, he back. - [Chuckles]
Well, good news travels faster than rain off a greased pig.
You know, God is great. Oh, yes, he is.
Always great, 24/7, 365.
So, how is he?
- He's fine. - Mm-hmm.
Well, let's just hope he stays put this time.
Let's hope he stays put.
You know.
Rolling stones have always run rampant in y'all's family.
- Ma'am? - Jackie, come on, girl.
Oh, child, don't pay me no mind.
I was just never fond of y'all's daddy.
I always told Evelyn I thought she could do better.
One never knows what happen when you raise kids without both parents in the house.
How are your four kids and their two daddies?
You, uh- [Chuckles]
You tell your mama I'm coming by her house tomorrow.
- You do that. - Okay. I'll let her know.
Yeah, you do that.
[Scoffs]
[Doorbell Rings]
Lettie, what you doin' here?
I told Jackie to tell you I was coming by to call on you.
She warned me, but I'm watching The Price is Right.
They getting ready for the show price showdown.
Oh, Evie, now, honey, is that any way to act?
Can't you see I brought the welcoming committee with me?
You remember sisters Norma Jean...
Berta May and Willa.
[Together] Good morning, Evelyn.
Ladies.
In any case, we thought it prudent to come by and welcome Sheldon back home.
Let him know all the wonderful places he can be of use down in Ebenezer.
- Now he is coming to church, ain't he? - Now, hold on.
Well, one can never be too sure now.
All that big city living.
Nothing wrong with fortified. Where's he at?
- He ain't home. - Really?
Well, now, we were under the impression he hadn't left here since this morning.
I guess we were misinformed.
What, you got spies in my house?
[Laughs] Spies!
- [All Laughing] - Don't be silly.
June Mosley from across the way was kind enough to let us know.
Now, you know she sits on the deaconess board.
[Together] Morning, Miss Mosley.
Stand down, June! False alarm! He ain't even here!
[Scoffs] Well, we got this fresh ham, caramel cake.
Might as well come on in, sit down and visit a spell. Come on, girls.
- Hey, baby. How was school? - Good.
Why don't you go on upstairs, do your homework?
Supper gonna be ready in a minute.
You forgot how to fold?
- No, ma'am. - All right.
Mmm.
Two of you don't seem to be talkin' much.
Well, what is there to say?
- Well- - Mama!
Mama! Come on now! You know Abby's waitin' for me!
Boy, don't be hollerin' through this house.
- I can hear. - Hey, Mama.
- What you got? - Well, I got you, uh-
Got you ham, just like you like it.
Uh, got you pork chops, bacon, hot links.
And I brought some of that sausage I been workin' on.
Oh, you're not usin' me as a guinea pig. I am not goin' to the hospital.
- You're not gonna say hi to your brother? - Nope.
- Typical. - What, you got a problem?
- Eugene. - No, seriously. What, I'm supposed to be happy...
'cause he brought his fancy ass back home?
What, are you, like, 12? Idiot.
Don't call your brother an idiot.
What else am I supposed to call him, Mama?
- Well, he may be dumb, but he's not an idiot. - Mama!
Shut up, stupid! Sheldon!
Shel!
Sheldon, what you cryin' for?
- Mom ripped up my journal. - It's just a stupid book.
- It's not a stupid book! - It is stupid. And so are you.
You make me sick, Eugene! Get out of here!
Crybaby. Sissy.
- Shut up! - Crybaby! Sissy! Sissy!
- All right. - ¢Ü¢Ü[R& B Music Playing]
Oh, baby.
All right.
[Both Laughing]
Mmm. Got a little bit of champagne.
- Ooh, yes! - Ow! Oh!
- Oh! Butcher man by day and sausage king by night. - Oh, that's right, baby.
- Sausage king. - Butcher man.
- Sausage king. - The butcher man.
- Mmm. - Butcher man.
Mmm. Finally I get a chance to spend some time with my man.
[Slurping]
Ah.
- [Chuckling] - [Grunts]
- Oh. - [Doorbell Buzzes]
- Damn! - Come on, baby. You ain't gotta get that.
- Baby, what if it's an emergency? - This is an emergency.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ooh, that's cocoa butter. That's cocoa butter.
- Your favorite flavor. - That's cocoa butter!
[Both Laughing]
- [Doorbell Buzzing] - Baby, it might be a work emergency.
You are a butcher. What kind of emergency could you possibly have?
- The B.L.T. Ran out of bacon? - Oh, come on now.
- The chicken can't find his wing? - Come on now.
- Come on, Cooter. - [Pounding On Door]
You know that ain't nobody but your nosy-ass mama.
- What took you so long? - Uh-
Child, you look ridiculous!
- Why are you dressed in that outfit? - N-No reason.
Well, you know, I came over here just to talk about your brother Sheldon.
Oh. Well, you know, um, I'd love to do that, Mama-
well, not really- but now is just-
- It's not a- It's not a good time. - Why?
Hello, Mother Davis.
Oh.
I see why. Well, Son, put you on some clothes.
You look like a pimp, and she look like- Ooh.
Excuse me.
[Chuckles] Mama.
Now... is not... the best of times.
I don't need to see or hear nothing about your little fantasy life.
- Well, here you are. - I think what Abigail was trying to say is that...
well, we weren't exactly expecting company tonight.
I think I can speak for myself.
Oh, honey, that outfit is speakin' plenty.
Mama. Baby. Do me a favor. Just-
Eugene, I don't have all night.
Just five minutes, baby.
- I need five minutes. - [Door Closes]
You don't listen to me, Eugene. You just don't listen to your mama.
Mama, you know that me and Abigail is trying.
Son, that woman is too old to be talkin' about havin' any babies.
The last egg she saw, she ate it.
[Abigail] Cooter, I'm ovulating.
Yeah, right, and I'm Britney Spears.
Mama, I'm gonna have to go.
I need to talk to you about Sheldon.
Shel- Sheldon? What about Sheldon, Mama?
Sheldon always takes care of Sheldon.
So I'm sure that Sheldon will be fine. Good night.
- Eugene. - Good night, Mama. Good night. Come on. Go.
- Eugene! - Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
Can't take it. Mmm.
Ooh, baby. Wait a minute. Ooh. What you-
Oh. Is that candle wax?
Cocoa butter. Ooh.
[Snoring]
Oh! Oh, God.
I'm sorry. You scared me. Huh.
Go, go, go. Shoo. Shoo. Go.
- [Sheldon Grunts] - Mr. Sheldon, time to get up.
- Go away. - We're gonna be late for church.
[Groans] I am not going to church.
Gran's not gonna like that.
- [Gabriel] Aunt Jackie! - Sheldon.
Sheldon!
Is it impossible for anybody in this house to call me Patrick? Huh?
- Get up. - Get out.
Get up. I don't want to hear Mama's voice. Get up!
Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Mm-hmm.
[Snoring]
[Gasps] God. Privacy, please.
What you coverin' up? You ain't got nothing I ain't seen before.
- Get out! - Sunday mornings we do church.
I am a grown man capable of making my own decisions.
Sunday is my rest day. Okay?
So I'm not going to church, and that is that.
Boy, have you lost your goddamn mind?
- Give me that! - Mama!
- ¢Ü¢Ü[Gospel] - ¢Ü¢Ü[People Clapping]
- ¢Ü¢Ü[Continues] - [Cheering]
¢ÜJoy will come if you hold out ¢Ü
¢Ü Peace and joy if you keep the faith ¢Ü
¢ÜLife is everlasting if you trust in him ¢Ü
¢Ü What joy ¢Ü
¢Ü What joy to praise his name ¢Ü
¢ÜJoy ¢Ü
¢Ü I've got joy ¢Ü
¢ÜJoy ¢Ü
¢ÜI've got joy ¢Ü
¢ÜJoy ¢Ü
¢ÜI've got joy ¢Ü
¢ÜJoy ¢Ü
¢ÜI've got joy ¢Ü
- ¢Ü What a storehouse of grace ¢Ü - ¢Ü Yeah,yeah,yeah ¢Ü
¢ÜHe's an anchor in place ¢Ü
¢Ü What joy ¢Ü
¢Ü What joy You gave me all my joy ¢Ü
¢Ü What joy ¢Ü
¢Ü I've got all my joy ¢Ü
¢Ü What joy ¢Ü
¢Ü What joy to praise his name ¢Ü¢Ü
[Cheering]
Yeah! Good morning, church.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
Well, I just want to remind you about what's gonna happen next week...
- immediately after the church service. - [Man] Uh-huh!
We're gonna have a gospel revival barbecue...
picnic jamboree to raise money for the usher board uniforms.
- [Cheering] - Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!
And our own- our own Ebenezer Gospel Choir...
is gonna be performing under the direction of brother Cedric Tate.
- [Cheering] - Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Thank you, Jesus.
And the concert will also feature the lovely-
the lovely Miss Lettuce Dupree!
Oh, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!
¢Ü I'm glad to be here ¢Ü
¢Ü I said I'm glad so glad to be ¢Ü
¢Ü So glad to be here ¢Ü
- ¢Ü I said I'm glad ¢Ü - ¢Ü I'm glad ¢Ü
- ¢Ü Glad, glad ¢Ü - ¢Ü Glad ¢Ü
[Together] ¢Ü To be here ¢Ü¢Ü
- Hallelujah! Hallelujah! - Dear Lord! Thank you!
Oh, thank you, Miss Sister Lettuce.
Oh, yeah! In honor to God, who is the head of the house...
Pastor James, deacons, mothers...
members, family and visiting friends...
I just wanna say...
this is my husband right here, Mr. Jimmy Dupree...
owner and proprietor...
of Dupree's World Classic Used Automobiles and Boats.
He and I just want to make a small donation...
for the uniforms for the junior usher board.
Hallelu-
- Sit down, Lettie. - Mm-mmm.
A check in the amount of $1,000.
- [Man] Yeah! - [Lettuce] Thank you. Thank you very much.
- Thank you. - Sit down.
I am simply testifying to the glory of the Lord! Hallelujah!
Sounds like you're testifyin' about the size of your bank account.
[Congregation] Ooh!
Evelyn, that's a hurtful thing to say to me.
Mama, could you guys be quiet?
¢Ü I'm glad you sat down ¢Ü
[Snickers]
Well, today's sermon is gonna come to us from...
- Luke, 15th chapter. - Mm-hmm.
- [Woman] All right. - The 11th through the 32nd verse.
- All right. - All right.
- Prodigal son. - [Man] Yes, sir!
Here's a sermon that all of you should hear because it actually talks about forgiveness.
- Yes. - And how to love one another.
I can't believe I'm here.
Shh!
I like the story. It goes like this. You know, the man had two sons.
Don't you "shh" me.
- I'll "shh" you whenever I want. - Shh!
- Sheldon.
Psst. Psst.
Hey. I'm a good cook.
[Pastor James]... go off and live a little bit, you know. Don't wanna stay here with you.
So the father thought about it for a moment.
He said, "Well, that's what he wants to do.
I'll let him spread his wings."
- You know about spreading your wings, right? All right. - Yes.
[Laughing]
[Chattering]
¢Ü¢Ü[Woman Humming Gospel Tune]
- ¢Ü¢Ü[Continues] - [No Audible Dialogue]
- Oh, brother Sheldon. - ¢Ü¢Ü[Fades Out]
Good to see you here today, my brother. You know-
Oh, Pastor James, we have got to go.
But I will be calling you. I have some ideas for your sermon next week.
Um, backsliders, honor thy mother and father. I'll do you one better than that.
I'm gonna write my thoughts out on a pad of paper, okay?
- But we must go. Come on, Son. - God bless you. Good luck, my son.
- Yep. - He never shut up.
¢Ü I got the sweet, sweet ¢Ü
- ¢Ü I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it ¢Ü - [Jackie] Mama.
¢ÜI got the-¢Ü¢Ü Check the bucket. See if we got our breasts in there.
Tried to short me on the breasts last time...
fillin' that bucket with nothin' but wings.
My fried okra in there and hot sauce?
- Pudge, check for the biscuits. - [Jackie] Yes, Mama. Yes.
- All right then. - Hmm. Sunday brunch.
Nice. Dignified.
Sitting waterfront, eating egg-white omelets and a glass of champagne.
What you mumbling about?
Uh, nothing. Nothing, nothing.
I was just thinking about being home...
having brunch with, uh-
- Ryan? - Who?
[Pudge] Who's that man on the porch?
- I don't know. - It's a white man.
Is he from the gas company?
[Groans]
Ryan, what are you doing here? How did you get here?
- Airplane, silly. - You know exactly what I'm talking about.
- I found the tickets, Patrick. - Sheldon, what's going on?
- Uh- - Who's Sheldon?
- Uh- Oh, God. - Who's this?
- This- - I'm his mother. Who are you?
[Scoffs] I don't think so. Patrick's mom lives in France.
France? Sheldon, what is going on?
- Who's Sheldon? Baby, you- - Uh-
Baby?
Kids, come on. Get in the house. Go. Go, go. Y'all go on. Get in.
- Baby? - Go. Pudge, hurry up.
Baby? Oh, my God!
What the hell is going on?
- Mama, watch your mouth. - Sheldon, who is that?
His name is Ryan, and he is my partner.
- Partner? - Yes, my partner.
Okay? We-We're together.
- The white boy? - Let's not make this more dramatic-
Dramatic?
You got a lot of nerve!
Right in your- Inviting your partner into my house!
- I didn't invite him here. - What you mean you didn't invite him?
- That's not the point, Jackie. - Then what does matter, Sheldon?
It doesn't matter. It's irrelevant.
Boy, I'm going to relevant you all over this house.
Ooh! Partner?
- A white boy? In my house? - Mama.
And on a Sunday too!
Come on, Mama.
Didn't- Didn't I cover this when I told you about the birds and the bees?
Yeah, I remember the conversation very well.
"Sheldon, don't get any girls pregnant...
and don't bring home any white girls."
- I remember. - Well, I guess I must have left something out.
Excuse me. I'm really sorry.
Patrick, can I speak with you for a minute?
Yeah.
Sit down, Mama. Mama, sit down.
- Oh, I'm okay, Jackie. - Sit down, Mama.
- Mama, just sit down, please. - Oh.
- I'm leaving. - What?
- I'm leaving. - Ryan, you just got here.
Yeah, and it's already more drama than a double episode of the Gilmore Girls.
Don't leave.
I mean, has our whole entire relationship just been built on lies?
No. I love you. I always have.
And that's just supposed to make everything better, huh?
You know, Dr. Phil says that a love built on a foundation of lies and mistrust...
is just like Joan Rivers's face- fake.
Look, you know what? I really don't think that Dr. Phil said that.
Don't patronize me right now.
Calm down. Stay.
[Sighs] Don't leave.
- I'm leaving. - No, you're not.
- Yes, I am. - No, you're not.
[Evelyn] Yes, he is!
[Whispering] No, you're not.
Yes, he is!
- [Sighs] - [Whispering] Come here.
You know, I must say...
this is some of the best chicken I've ever had.
It came from the chicken shack down the street.
You know, Patrick never lets us eat like this.
He always wants to eat some schmancy fancy food...
and I'm like, "Muh! Give me a corn dog, you know?"
[Sighs]
This... is nice.
Could you excuse us for a minute?
Oh.
And I'm gonna go check on the kids.
You were always ashamed to be a part of this family.
Oh, God. Please, man, don't start with me now.
- You know that's not true. - [Scoffs] Really?
You walk around here with them big-ass ideas like you was better than everybody else.
Okay. It's not my fault that I didn't want to be a manager of a butcher shop.
That's a good job.
And it paid for your fancy ass for many a year.
- You got one more time to call me fancy. - You know what?
- Just callin' it like I see it, bro. - That's it right there.
That's exactly why I didn't wanna spend the rest of my fuckin' life-
- Now, wait a fuckin' minute. - In this little small-ass town...
with simple people with small ideas.
I'm the only one that can use that language in my house, boy.
Mama, I'm not a boy. I'm a man.
See, that is your problem, Sheldon. Always sassin' and talkin' back.
You always had too much pride.
Mama, do you know how long it took me...
to finally feel good about who I am?
I don't know what you're talkin' about, Sheldon.
- I have always- - Have you ever looked at me for who I am?
- Sheldon, I see you. - Oh, hell, Mama. Everybody can see.
Do you realize how hard it was growing up around here?
You know, feeling like I never was really a part of anything...
or feeling like something was wrong with me.
I always raised my kids not to even care about what other people think.
- Mama, I'm talking about you. - Excuse me?
I never felt good enough.
At all. Never.
You know, I couldn't say the right things, I couldn't do the right things.
You know, I just- I felt like I always came up short.
- Sheldon. Now, you know that- - Did you ever accept me for being me?
- Well, what about you, Sheldon? - Excuse me?
Always lookin' down your nose at your own family.
- Oh, come on. - Oh, listen to you now. Poor Sheldon.
- "Nobody understands me. Nobody loves me." - That's bullshit, man.
- You are full of bullshit. - Shut up, Eugene, 'cause you don't even know me.
No. You don't know yourself, bro. That's your problem. You're not proud of yourself.
Man, that is the last thing that I need.
Some psychoanalysis from a guy who cuts meat at a butcher shop.
Butcher shop, huh?
That's fine. I guess you can talk about me, huh?
'Cause I just work at a butcher shop.
And you've done gone off and made this whole new life for yourself, huh, Sheldon?
- Well- - Oh, wait a minute. That's right. I'm sorry.
It's Patrick now. Patrick the writer.
Patrick the man about town.
Man, you think you are smarter than everybody else and better than everybody else.
Better than me. Better than Mama. You don't know yourself, boy.
You know, Eugene, listen to me.
- I am not ashamed of who I am. - Oh, you're proud of who you are?
Is that why little Swiss Miss out there thought Mama was some supermodel in France?
You so damn proud of yourself, but apparently you couldn't tell your fancy-ass friends...
- that your mama ain't nothing but a washwoman, huh, boy? - Sheldon, is that true?
- Mama, l- - [Eugene] You need to look in the mirror, boy.
- Look in the mirror. - Could you guys keep your voices down?
You know what? You think you know everything, and you don't know shit.
- [Eugene] Really? - [Sheldon] Really!
All you do is whine. Talk about yourself.
Complain about yourself. You didn't even care about your own son!
Look, I didn't ask to have a damn kid, okay?
Everybody shut up!
[Sheldon] Know what? This is simple. It's real simple.
Wanna know why I didn't come back here for 10 years?
Because I didn't want to have to look in the mirror...
and realize one day that I had become you!
Sheldon.
[Sheldon Narrating] Let's go back a couple chapters.
[Typing]
I had a wonderful life in New York City.
And why wouldn't I? I had the perfect job-
a successful writer at a prominent magazine.
- [Knocking] - Yes?
You're late.
This month's cover just hit the stands, and the buzz is phenomenal.
We are on fire. All I keep hearing...
is how this absolutely captures the drive, the energy...
the struggle of what it's like for today's woman...
to be successful, both at home and in the marketplace.
It is very new, very now, very modern...
and very, very, very Susan.
Thank you, everyone. I really couldn't have done it-
Oh, Patrick, so nice of you to join us.
Oh, I am so very sorry.
- He was drinking coffee. - I spilled coffee on my tie.
Okay, Liz, be a love and get us two coffees, would you, dear? Patrick, what'll you have?
Uh, yeah. I'll have a mochaccino grande...
made with decaffeinated native bean, uh, soy milk...
heavy on the foam and a hint of nutmeg.
- Okay? Thank you. - Two black coffees, dear.
- What about his mochaccino? - For next month's magazine...
we're gonna have a wonderful photo of myself and the dog, Winston.
- Excuse me. Excuse me. - Yes?
Well, this month's cover, Susan- I didn't notice my article.
- I got your latest article. So anyway, Winston and l- - And?
- [Chuckles] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Susan. - I hated it.
Susan, I've been very good to this magazine.
Well, of course you have. Otherwise I never would've hired you to work for Susan Fairchild.
- Okay. So what's the problem? - There's no grit.
There's no emotional depth. It just doesn't pop.
- Pop. - It's boring.
- Boring. - Boring?
- Boring. - As a friend, I adore you...
but as your editor, you bore the hell out of me.
Susan, are you firing me?
No, no, no, no, no. Nothing like that.
What I do think is you should go back to the drawing board. Take a couple of months-
two, three, four, six.
And come back with something fresh.
Get real, Patrick. You're a writer. Now write.
- Uh- - Thank you. For next month's cover, Winston and I are-
[Sheldon Narrating] You know how we're always looking for that one person...
who accepts us for exactly who we are, warts and all?
Well, I found him.
Well, it's their loss.
Me. Fired. I can't believe it.
Well, I mean, she didn't really fire you. She just said that you should-
You needed to take some time off.
[Together] Fired.
Two years. That job was so perfect.
- Nothing's perfect, baby. - We are.
- Oh. - [Chuckles]
Well, maybe now you can-
you can write that book you've always wanted to...
- and you'll become super famous and everyone will want you. - Right.
And then you can make tons of money...
and buy the magazine back and totally fire her ass.
[Laughs] Yeah, yeah.
You are goofy. You know that? Cute but goofy.
And we're gonna have mini quiches.
- Mmm. Do I have to come? - Yes.
It's my three-year anniversary. You're my best friend.
It's not like you guys are married. You know, honestly, I don't know what you see in him.
He loves me and we wear the same size shoe.
- I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. - Ooh.
You know, and another thing-
Patrick has never once complained about my acting career...
- or any of- - Or lack thereof.
That's what I'm talking about.
You're my best friend and you are constantly ragging on me all the time.
I'm just saying that nude musical theater...
isn't the fast track to Broadway.
Maybe not, but Patrick supports what I do.
Seriously, Daniel, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
- Weight Watchers is the best thing that ever happened to you. - Oh!
- [Doorbell Rings] - I'm here to party, baby.
[Sheldon Narrating] Have you ever had a day where anything that could go wrong, does?
Happy anniversary, baby.
Oh. Thank you, baby.
[Sheldon Narrating] Some people call it Murphy's Law. I call it Tuesday of last week.
- Happy anniversary, you two. - Mmm!
- Oh. Thank you, Daniel. - Mm-hmm.
¢Ü¢Ü[Hip-hop Playing]
He's a little touchy.
- [Chattering] - [Doorbell Rings]
- Hello there! - Is this Apartment 7 B?
Hey, guys, who wants Sunflower Girl cookies?
I'm not selling any cookies.
- Are you serious? - ¢Ü¢Ü[Continues]
[Chattering]
[Sheldon Narrating] In the literary world...
this is what we call an emotional climax.
- I'm looking for Mr. Davis. - Excuse me?
I'm looking for Mr. Davis.
I'm- I'm Mr. Davis. Who are you?
Um, Gabriel. Your son.
- [Scratches] - Oh!
[Glass Shatters]
Look, I just need to go and straighten all of this out.
- But you said he's not your kid. - And he's not.
Then why do you have to leave? This is-This is crazy.
Somehow he got all the way out here.
Obviously, there's been a mistake. He's only 10.
I know...
but I need to figure out the whos and the whats of this whole thing.
We're okay.
Look, baby, trust me. I love you.
I love you too. And I do trust you.
Good. Well, I'll call you when I get to Paris, okay?
- Okay. - Okay.
- So let me get this straight. You let him leave? - What was I supposed to do?
Hmm. Let's see. Go with him? Follow him?
Hire a private investigator? Hit him over the head with a baseball bat?
- But a relationship is built on trust. - Let me tell you about trust.
When I was a kid, I would wait all night for Santa Claus.
I'd have the milk and cookies by the fireplace and the list of toys snuggled under the pillow.
And when I'd wake up in the morning, there were no gifts.
No gifts under the tree, no gifts anywhere.
And my parents told me it was because Santa didn't visit little Vietnamese kids.
And it wasn't until years later that I found out that Santa did visit Vietnamese kids.
My parents were just cheap.
- But you're Chinese. - That's not the point.
The point is, trust will take its hot jagged blade and slice your heart in two.
- You really need therapy. - And you need to wake up.
Are you saying that Patrick's word is good enough?
I am the last one to butt into someone else's business, but I'm just saying...
if I were you, I would be a little bit curious about this love child.
- Okay. Stop calling him that. - What else are you gonna call him?
Has Patrick ever mentioned the possibility of having a child?
Children. I mean, who knows? Maybe he has some secret life somewhere.
A wife, 12 kids. Grandchildren maybe.
Oh, my Uncle Rico, he had this whole secret life.
All the time we thought he was this working-class bum fixing cars.
Come to find out, he was smuggling fruit from overseas.
He had this whole mango empire.
Mango jam, mango ice cream, mango tea, regular mangoes, dried mangoes...
mangoes in light syrup, mangoes in heavy syrup, mango preserves-
Carm, Carm. We're talking about Ryan's trifling man.
Okay, look, I am- I am choosing to believe Patrick.
- Oh, baby. - I trust him.
I trust him.
This is so sad.
It's like watching a house burn down.
[High-pitched Voice] Fire! Fire!
- [Chattering] - ¢Ü¢Ü[Singing Operatic Note]
- [Laughing] - ¢Ü¢Ü[Singing Continues]
[Jackie] Crazy like that.
Oh.
So, Ryan, I made up the spare room for you...
and got fresh linens and everything.
Don't even worry about it. I'm just gonna stay with Patrick tonight.
Oh, do you know what? Why don't you just go ahead and stay in the guest room...
and I'll check in on you in a minute, okay?
Come on.
¢Ü¢Ü[Woman Vocalizing]
- You know I ain't perfect, Sheldon. - Nobody is, Mama.
I've done the best I could with what I had-
- Look, you know what- - No, you hush a minute.
Now, I didn't have a lot.
I worked hard tryin' to provide somethin' for y'all.
[Sighs] A house, a home, a little guidance...
a good upbringing.
[Sighs]
I just wish you had a little bit more pride-
were a little bit prouder of me, of yourself.
Guess I did a better job of washing clothes than raising kids, huh?
But I ain't apologizin' to you, Sheldon...
'cause raisin' kids ain't easy, baby.
It ain't easy.
- ¢Ü¢Ü[Woman Singing] - France!
Mama.
¢Ü¢Ü[Ends]
[Sighs]
- So, um- - I don't wanna talk about it.
[Children Shouting]
[Chuckles] Okay. I-I can, uh- I can respect that.
You know, look, Gabe...
about what I said last night, uh-
You know, your uncle and your grandmother...
they really can just get up under my skin, you know?
And sometimes adults can say things that they really just don't mean.
- I guess. - [School Bell Rings]
Okay. Well, maybe you and I can be friends.
I got friends. Thanks.
[Door Closes]
[Sighs]
- Hey. What's the matter? - Nothing.
Well, there's gotta be something, or you wouldn't be in here making the ugly face.
Today's the callback for the dance recital, and I'm not going.
Not going to a callback?
That has to be one of the seven deadly sins. You have to go.
But the girls said I'm fat.
You're not fat.
A little round, but not fat.
They laughed at me and said I bounce around like a dodgeball in a tutu.
Sweetie, they're just bitter bitches.
- You can't let them steal your sunshine. - Really?
Yeah. It's- It's like Diana Ross in Mahogany.
You have to do it your way.
- Mahoga-what? - Please tell me you've seen Mahogany.
[Laughs] Oh, my God!
I mean, as incredible as Diana was in Lady Sings the Blues-
which she totally deserved the Oscar for-
Mahogany was a tour de force.
I mean, she even designed her own costumes.
- Mm-mmm. - Okay. All About Eve?
Carmen Jones, Valley of the Dolls, Mommy Dearest?
Okay, Dreamgirls, original Broadway cast?
- Nope. - Baby girl, we need an intervention.
Abigail. Come on, girl. We gonna be late. I ain't got time for all this.
- What you mean, meddlin'? - That's right!
Because you are always puttin' your nose in somebody else's business.
My family is my business!
I don't meddle, do I, Eugene?
Well, um, on the wedding day you did interrupt the service.
Well, I had something to say.
Well, when the pastor asks, "Does anybody have anything to say?"
Only ghetto people really have something to say.
Oh, baby, that was four years ago. You need to get over yourself.
- Stop it, Mama. Come on, Abigail. We gotta go. - Wait.
- Baby. Baby. - Wait.
Now, Mother Davis, you know I love you.
- Don't call me Mother Davis. - Mama, you asked her to call you Mother Davis!
Well, it just seems silly, her calling me Mama Davis, old as she is.
Old? Who you callin'- Oh, you can't even spell "old."
- Sittin' here lookin' dumb as a doorknob. - Now-Ab-
Mama, I don't know why you're startin' in with that.
- You know Abby's only two years older than me. - In what, dog years?
- Mama, that's my wife you're talkin' about. - That's right.
- And you can't talk about her like that. - That's right!
Even if it is just two years, Abby looks damn good to be a old woman.
- That's ri- Old? - Well-
- It's only two years. - Well, l-
And besides, don't get it twisted.
This body is lovely...
and I don't see you complaining.
Hmm.
Come on, Abigail. We're gonna be late.
Well, you can't have babies with powdered eggs!
And as the saying goes...
if the beans ain't cookin', somethin' must be wrong...
with the Crock-Pot.
Come on, baby. Abigail. A-Abigail! Abigail!
You know what, Mother Davis? You are right.
I may be having some difficulties having kids...
but when I do have my children, I will love them...
and I will nurture them, and I will be the best mother they have ever had.
Are your kids able to say the same?
Let's go, Cooter!
This sure ain't The Brady Bunch.
- Come on! - I'm comin'! You ain't gotta yell at me.
Y'all get home safe.
What the hell you lookin' at, Miss Mosley?
Nosy heifer.
- Go, Cooter. Come on! - Now, Ab-
- Girl. - ¢ÜJesus keep me near the cross ¢Ü
¢Ü Oh ¢Ü¢Ü
¢Ü¢Ü[Man Singing]
- ¢Ü¢Ü[Continues] - [No Audible Dialogue]
¢Ü¢Ü[Fades Out]
So last on my list, ladies, is- Oh.
Okay, everyone. Next up is Pudge Davis.
[Girl] Mm-hmm.
Just do your best, dear.
Psst. Baby girl.
Okay. Remember- Diana, Dorothy, Betty, Joan. Diva.
You got this. You got it.
Diva. Diva, diva, diva.
¢Ü¢Ü[Hip-hop Playing]
¢Ü¢Ü[Man Singing]
¢Ü¢Ü[Ends]
- [Laughing] - [Girl] Whoo!
[Teacher] Okay.
You worked it.
¢Ü¢Ü[Man Singing]
Let's grill! Let's grill!
¢Ü¢Ü[Continues]
[Muttering, Humming]
You just do not understand how-
Cooter. Cooter? Cooter.
- Look, don't be mad. I called him. - [Scoffs]
I just think it would be good if you guys just take a minute and talk.
So I'm gonna go and talk to the ladies and... just make nice.
So, uh, you ain't so fancy that you can't put on an apron and help me barbecue, are you?
- Negro, please. - Come on.
¢Ü¢Ü[Continues]
¢Ü¢Ü[Fades]
Okay. Let me get this straight. You're making your own sausage now?
No. Don't say it like that, man. This is more than a sausage.
The way I see it, pork gets a bad name.
They're always talkin' about pork is bad for you. Pork gets your pressure up.
I don't believe all that.
Me and Abigail, we was walkin' through the grocery store...
maybe like, uh, three, four, five months ago.
And we got this idea, right?
'Cause they have all these turkey products that taste like pork.
You know, you've seen 'em. There's the turkey bacon and turkey ham...
and turkey pastrami, turkey bologna.
You know, all that.
So we thought, what if we made a pork sausage...
that tastes like turkey sausage?
Whole new market, man. Wide open.
- That is a new market. - Yeah. Definitely.
So, um-
- I, uh, don't do this often. - Oh.
I'm not very good at it.
And if, uh, Abigail wasn't lookin' at me...
I probably wouldn't say it.
- [Laughs] - But, uh-
About the other night...
and what I said about you, uh...
I'm sorry about that.
I appreciate that.
Actually, I'm the one that should be apologizing.
Oh, now, see, don't get all fancy and mushy on me.
- No, really. - [Laughs]
Abby's watching me. I gotta keep up my tough, manly exterior, you know.
- [Laughing] - Got a reputation.
Yeah, you got a good woman.
Yeah. But she runs me like a vacuum cleaner.
- Hmm. - How's life in the city, man?
- Well, you know, it's okay. - Just okay?
I mean, yeah. I mean, I have a lot of things.
I have a lot of stuff. I know the right people.
I eat at the right restaurants. I go to the right parties. And it's just, you know-
Well, you know, man, everything that's right ain't always right.
- Yeah. - You was always Mama's favorite.
- Stop it. - No, seriously. You were. It's all right. I always knew.
You was taller than I was. You was prettier than I was, lighter than I was.
- Thinner than I was. - Some things never change.
- Yeah. - Yeah. Don't start.
- [Clears Throat] - But, uh- I mean, seriously.
I just looked up one day. Man, you were just gone.
You know? I mean, no call.
- No letter, no note. Nothin'. - Yeah.
And it just struck me that you just up and left a life that I always wished I had.
[Chuckles] But, you know, I got me a good life.
Got a good wife, a nice job...
friends, family.
- I'm makin' sausage. - I see.
I suppose I should just be happy.
Well, aren't you?
Oh, wait a minute.
Oh, it's about that time.
So, uh, my woman is callin' me, and I'm gonna leave you here to man the grill.
- You think you can handle that? - Yeah, l- I got it.
I guess it's just that, uh-
[Woman Laughing]
After all this time, you just, uh, pop back in town...
and the one thing that I want...
man, you got.
And you don't even want him.
Don't let them steaks burn!
¢Ü¢Ü[Man Vocalizing]
[Gabriel] So I ain't sure if it's the right thing to do...
but I was hoping you would help me out, just this one last time.
I'll be back later. I promise.
¢Ü¢Ü[Man Singing]
Hey.
- So what are you doing? - Hiding. Thinking.
Thinking about what?
Nothin'.
[Grunts] Well.
You know, when I was a little boy, I used to come out here all the time.
Sometimes I would just come and chill out...
or hang out, or even write in my diary.
- Diary? - Yes. Diary.
Well, this is a great thinking spot.
I used to solve some of my toughest problems right here...
where you're sitting right now.
Me and my mom used to come up here. She said she liked it here.
We used to talk and talk. She was a good listener.
[Chuckles] Well.
Well, I don't think I can be a better listener than your mom was...
but I am here...
if you ever want to talk to me.
Kids at school are teasing me.
- Why? - Lattrice.
What's a Lattrice?
- She's a girl at school. - Oh.
Okay. And do you like this Lattrice?
Yeah.
- So do you try to talk to her? - Uh-huh.
- And what happens? - I throw up.
Okay.
- Come on. Let's go. - But I don't want to.
[Chuckles] You'll enjoy it. Trust me.
- [Frog Croaking] - Wow.
Hey, Ryan. Some of the girls at school are thinkin' about startin' a new class.
- You should be the teacher. - Really? Me?
- Mm-hmm. You'd be great. - That's a first.
No one's ever thought I was talented before.
- You like it here? - Yeah, it's not so bad.
- Everybody always fighting. - You should see my family.
- [Snorts] They're worse than this? - A lot worse.
I mean, your family's not so bad.
A little dysfunctional, with some underlying anger issues...
but, really, it's not that bad.
Well, I can't wait to leave here.
- Me and my mom are gonna be leaving here soon. - For reals?
Yeah, she gots a new job working for the airline.
- Pilot? - Flight attendant.
Oh, right. That's even better.
I mean, free peanuts and access to all those little tiny bottles of liquor.
- Oh, and your mom's gonna look hot in that uniform. - Yeah, but Gran don't know.
- Why not? - She wants us to stay here and be miserable like her.
Hey. That's no way to talk about your grandmother.
I'm sure she loves you.
Mom says she means well, but just chases folks away.
Guess that's what happened to Grandpa, and Uncle Sheldon, and now Mom.
They all left and never came back.
Well, your uncle came back.
I mean, who knows?
Maybe he'll stick around.
He has a kid now.
Hmm. He'll probably be goin' back to New York City, and then she'll be all alone.
Maybe.
Ryan?
- Yeah, pumpkin? - You love Uncle Sheldon?
[Chuckles] With all my heart.
You'd never chase him away?
[Sighs] Never.
He's my family.
Ooh! Okay. Enough of all this serious talk.
Tell me about school.
- Well, there is one boy. - Oh?
Okay, well, think of Lattrice as something that you like...
something that makes you happy.
Grilled cheese.
No. I was thinking of more along the lines of maybe a puppy dog or world peace.
No. Grilled cheese.
Okay. Grilled cheese it is.
All right. So...
Lattrice is the grilled cheese.
You see the grilled cheese. You like the grilled cheese.
You walk up to the grilled cheese, and what do you say?
- Hi. - Hi! Hi is good.
Good, good, good, good, good. And then you introduce yourself, and what happens?
- Then I throw up. - Grilled cheese. Grilled cheese.
Okay. So I can talk to a sandwich.
- My man. You got it. - Yeah.
[Laughs] Yeah, like that. That's good. You can talk to the sandwich.
- I can talk to the sandwich. - What are you going to say to the sandwich?
- What's up? Yeah! - What's up! Yeah!
- Yo! - I like it.
¢Ü¢Ü [Humming]
[Sighs]
¢Ü¢Ü [Humming Continues]
Hmm.
¢Ü¢Ü [Continues]
[Sighs]
[Whispering]
Hmm.
[Sheldon] Mama?
Yeah. What?
[Sighs] Whoo.
- You're working late, huh? - Yeah.
I got a lot of orders, you know, with, uh-
- Church picnic is next week. - Yeah.
Could you put that soap powder over there for me?
- Yeah. - Okay.
- You all right? - Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm just fine. Ooh!
Now, you go on and get out of here with your rusty butt.
- I can't do nothing with you botherin' me. - Excuse me.
I can't get no work done.
Oh.
Sheldon.
Oh, baby. [Crying]
Oh, baby.
Sheldon, baby, what you doin'? You're supposed to be helpin' Mama.
- Come over here and get these clothespins for me. - [Crying]
- Sheldon! - What?
You hear me talkin' to you. Come over here and get these clothespins!
What is wrong with you, boy?
Give it here. Give it here. Stop all that crying.
Do you hear me? The last- The last thing you need to be doin' is all that crying!
Now you should be a man! I'm tellin' you, I'm gonna tear this thing up.
- Every time I turn around, you're messin' with this stuff! - Mama!
Just quit it! Now do what I tell you. Go ahead.
Get me that clothes basket like I told you to.
I'm tired of all that crying, actin' like a little sissy.
¢Ü¢Ü[Man Singing]
- ¢Ü¢Ü[Ends] - [Shouting]
[Groans] I have a bad feeling about this.
- This is gonna be fun. - Oh, obviously you've never been to a church picnic before.
Barbecued ribs, potato salad...
and a nice helping of gossip on the side.
- Everybody seems so nice. - This is the South. Everybody seems nice.
In New York, they spit in your face.
In the South, they smile at you, then spit in your lemonade.
[Both Laughing]
I love what y'all did with my cake table.
- Everybody gonna want some of Clarine's cake. - You like that?
Hello, everybody, and welcome to the Ebenezer family gospel picnic!
[Cheering, Applauding]
- Are you having a good time? - Yeah!
All right. And so am I. I see cotton candy, popcorn, balloons. Everything.
We're having a great time. Let's thank our deaconeers for their great work.
- [Cheering] - Yeah, yeah, Pastor!
All right. And you know we can't do this without having a great pie-eating contest.
- These guys are gonna be in the pie-eating contest. - [Cheering]
You wanna taste it? It's banana supreme.
- Tastes like cake, don't it? - That is good.
- ¢Ü Oh, Lord ¢Ü - [Chorus] ¢Ü Oh, Lord ¢Ü
¢ÜI was burnin' down ¢Ü
- ¢Ü You watched over me ¢Ü - ¢Ü Oh, Lord ¢Ü
¢Ü Slowly sinking down Well, but in my darkest hour ¢Ü
- ¢Ü You stayed with me, Lord ¢Ü - ¢Ü Stayed with me, Lord ¢Ü
- ¢Ü Oh, Lord ¢Ü - Oh, dear. Take that one.
- I know it looks bad, but take it. - Go, boy.
Oh, Lord. Here come Lettie and her crew.
Hold your wallets and your pocketbooks, y'all, 'cause, you know, Peanut, he steals.
Oh, Sheldon!
Mm-hmm. Saw you in church last Sunday. Didn't get to talk.
How's everything in your-your world?
- I'm just fine. - So how you doing, man?
This is Jimmy Dupree, owner and proprietor...
of Dupree's World Class Used Automobiles and Boats.
- My newest husband. - ¢Ü Oh, Lord ¢Ü
And these are your cousins- Dre Dre, Trae-Trae, Peanut and Tiny.
Trae- Dre- Oh.
- Ain't they precious? - Yeah.
- Oh! - Precious.
- So where the drinks at? - Over there. Way over there.
- Behind the picnic table. - Go to the end of the block and make a left.
- ¢ÜSlowly sinking down ¢Ü - Come on, y'all. Come on.
¢Ü Well, but in my darkest hour you stayed with me, Lord ¢Ü
- ¢Ü Stayed with me, Lord ¢Ü - ¢Ü Lord ¢Ü¢Ü
[Cheering, Applauding]
You want to taste some of this darkness?
- That's right. It's good. - That's good.
- Who wants some? - Her.
I don't see anybody. Have you lost your mind? You know what?
I'm gonna have to- No, no. I don't have cake for you, honey.
I don't, but you know what? A Fabulaxer will work really well on you, I think.
- Thank you. Good night. Have a good day. - Hold on-
- Everybody say "uh-huh." - [Crowd] Uh-huh!
Well, it's pie-eating time. It's time to-
Can't be stoned-looking and get no cake.
Did you want some, light skin? Can I help you out?
See, that's a man. Sheldon!
Ooh. Kelly, Beyonce, y'all out. Bye. Sheldon!
And here to introduce them is none other than Brother Henry Elliot!
[Cheering, Applauding]
Hey, everybody. These fellas are gonna show you how to really eat some pie.
I don't want to leave yet. What's wrong with you?
Nothing. I-I just want to go home. Okay?
- Brother, what's your name? - My name's James.
All right, James. He look like he started already, don't he?
There's something important I want to talk to you about.
I've been thinking about things, and I just-
[Groans] I need you to know.
- Well, let's talk now. - What's your name?
- It's Julius. - All right, Julius.
- No. - What's your name, brother?
- It's Andrew. - All right, Andrew.
The last thing I want to do is have an important conversation...
at some damn church picnic with my lover who's about to make a scene...
at some damn pie-eating contest.
[All Gasping]
[Together] Did he say lover?
- Oh, damn it to hell! - [Exclaiming]
- Oh, boy. - Holy Lord.
Oh, Lordy. Gay. Gay.
I knew it, but not in my family.
Not in my family. Not homosexual.
Oh, Lord.
Uh, is this apple or peach?
Anyone?
- Come on, girl. Come on, children. - Come on, Gabe. Let's go.
Excuse us. Oh.
Uh, this might be the best time for us to go to the good book.
I know you brought your Bibles, so pull them out.
Oh, God. These damn weeds.
Jesus. Oh.
Dinner's gon' be a while, so I brought you some of those biscuit sandwiches you like.
No, thanks. I'm not real hungry.
All right.
[Sighs]
You always used to come up here when you were mad or upset...
or had a fight with somebody.
You were up here a lot.
What do you want, Mother?
I should be asking you that.
I was hoping we could talk.
Mama, I've been here for two weeks.
I'm really all talked out.
Well...
we all did a lot, talked a lot.
We did not listen a lot.
Guess that's partly my fault.
Well, we're just not the family type.
And I think that we do better apart.
We ain't all cute and cuddly, but that don't mean-
You know what? I have made a decision.
I am going back to New York City tomorrow. Okay?
Please. I don't want you and Gabe to go.
We're not.
I am.
- So you're that kind of man. - Mom, look at me.
Do I look like a father figure?
A child just does not fit into my life right now.
Son, you're making a mistake.
No. A mistake would be trying to raise a kid.
I wouldn't even know what to do.
- I am terrified that I will mess up his life just like- - Like I messed up yours?
Look, I've made the decision. I've already bought the tickets.
Ryan and I are leaving tomorrow morning. Okay?
You know, you were what- 12 years old in the sixth grade, I guess.
And you won this big writing contest in school.
You remember? It was a big deal.
They printed up your picture in the paper.
[Sighs] Printed up some of your writing.
Ooh, and that night, I made this big dinner with all your favorite foods.
Eugene, he was so jealous, 'cause all he wanted...
was a fried bologna sandwich.
Later that night, after everybody had gone to bed...
I was cleanin' up, and I found you out on the front porch...
in the dark, writin' your little heart out in your journal.
It was a diary.
Oh, yes.
You were writin' in your diary.
And I said, "Baby, it's time for you to come up to bed."
You said, "All right, Mama. I'll be up in a minute."
And the next morning, I found you out there asleep...
your writing pen still in your hand.
Oh, you had such big dreams.
You were goin' to be an author.
Remember? Write the great American novel.
Funny.
Oh, it's so funny.
Washing clothes for people, especially in a town this size...
you learn about folk- things that's happening in their lives.
Now, you find lipstick on a married man's collar...
and you know what's comin' next.
Or some- some trinkets in somebody's pocket.
Those little trinkets will tell you things about them that you didn't know before.
The little things.
Hmm.
I was so busy...
workin' so hard...
trying to make sure that I raised you right.
L- I missed some of the small little things in your life.
Yes, you did.
Well, don't make the same mistake I did.
You look up, 10 years done gone by. A lifetime!
You don't even know your own son.
He don't know you.
[Sniffles] Mama, I am scared.
We all scared, baby.
It's just life.
That's the stuff you write about.
I'm gonna take these biscuits since you ain't gonna eat 'em.
Oh, my God.
Great American novel, huh?
[Sheldon Narrating] Have you ever had a chapter in your life that you thought was over...
a page you had turned-
moved on, closed the door-
only to discover no matter how hard you tried...
it kept staring you dead in the face?
- Hey, big man. - Are you gonna put me on another punishment?
Oh. Well, that depends.
I have a very important question for you.
¢Ü¢Ü[Men Singing]
[Evelyn] I don't care what you say, Jackie! You don't tell me how to cook no greens.
All I'm saying is that it is possible not to throw pounds of pig fat into the pot...
and the greens still taste good.
Jackie, get away from me. Get out.
You need to watch your health. That's all I'm saying.
- You need to watch your health. - [Doorbell Rings]
- Who is that? - Oh, Lettie.
- She comin' over here? - You know that ho is comin' over here.
- She called 'fore we could get in the house good. - Pudge, get the door!
- Hey, hey, hey. - Oh, hey, y'all.
Ooh, it smells so good in here.
- What y'all up to? - Y'all early, ain't ya?
- Just helpin' Mama cook. - Helpin'?
Talkin' about healthy greens. What you doin' is killin' the greens.
No, Mother Davis. I did see on Oprah they said that you can-
Uh, uh, uh, uh! I don't want to hear nothing that big heifer had to say.
Mama, you know what you can use? I brought you some of my new sausage.
It's a new recipe. Use it. It's got black pepper in this one.
Okay, baby. Throw this out.
[Cheering On TV]
Mother Davis, is that sweet potato pie you're making?
- I'm just gonna help with the crust then. - You know Oprah don't lie.
So if she says no pork, you need to do no pork. You seen how much weight she lost.
Oprah say you're not supposed to eat after 8:00.
You know something? She don't even like fake flowers.
How you gonna live by what she say?
Will you get out of my kitchen?
- I don't know why you can't use the sausages. - Get out of my kitchen.
You don't never listen to nobody. We're just trying to help you.
- All y'all get out the kitchen. - You need to stop smoking, too, while we at it.
- How about that? - You need to put on a skirt, is what you need to do.
- ¢Ü¢Ü[Men Singing] - Okay, boys. Let's get to game... time.
Hey, guys.
Come on in. Pop a spot.
- Uh, boy, this is Sunday. We watch the game. - Know what I'm sayin'?
Oh. Sorry. I'm already watching figure skating.
You know the rules. First one watching the TV gets to choose the show.
¢Ü¢Ü[Vocal Group Vocalizing]
¢Ü¢Ü[Group Singing]
¢Ü¢Ü[Vocalizing Continues]
What are y'all doin'? Y'all are not supposed to be eatin' cake.
Get up out of here, Tiny. Oh, big-ass kids.
Titties bigger than mine in here.
Eatin' up all the damn cake.
[Mumbling] Oh, this is good.
Oh, heavenly spirit, we thank you for this wonderful opportunity...
for us to get together- family- and breaking bread.
Things haven't always been easy. Things haven't always been right.
But we here, so, um, let's eat. Come on.
Pass me some chicken, boy.
I don't know. Let's just eat.
Mmm, mmm!
Evelyn, this is all wonderful.
- Everything is just perfect. - Thanks.
You were always the domesticated one.
Cook, clean.
I had to marry money. Mm-hmm.
I couldn't even do what you do, and you do it so well.
Thanks, Lettuce.
So, Trae-Trae, how's the whole rap thing going?
Well, coz...
I can call it good, solid, flowin' and rollin'.
Mm-hmm. Jimmy's financing a demo for him.
- His record drop next month. - Go on, Trae baby.
- Do some of that rappin' for us. - No, Mama.
- Let everybody hear you. - Oh, come on, Son. You always got to be ready.
First of all, I'm not your son.
- Do some of your rapping. - Don't nobody want to hear none of that.
Believe me, baby, with that body...
we want to hear anything you got to sing.
- All right. - What the hell are you doing?
¢Ü I was never one to ask for help ¢Ü
¢Ü And I'm from where niggas keep more guns on their waists than belts ¢Ü
¢Ü You get shot, skip the ambulance Straight to death ¢Ü
¢Ü I fire rounds till there ain't shit left ¢Ü¢Ü
Whoo! Well, okay! There ain't shit left. That was good.
Ain't shit left! Hey.
You know, I once thought about a career in rap.
[Chuckles]
Oh, bless your heart.
Ryan helped me with my dance tryout the other day. He's really talented.
I'm sorry, honey. I didn't get your name. You are who again?
- This is my friend Ryan. - Friend, you say?
Mm-hmm. Well, if I remember, at the picnic-
Sheldon, you know, you don't even have to explain.
You know what, Jackie? It's- It's okay.
Ryan is my partner.
Oh, my goodness.
This sure is modern.
[Laughing]
Evelyn, I don't know how you do it. Oh, no, honey.
You a better woman than I'll ever be.
Raise these kids, and they run around and do all kind of things.
Living all types of lives in all types of places.
Dungeons. Mm-hmm.
Bless your heart. Bless your heart.
What I want to know is, uh, how is little Gabriel takin' all this?
- I'm fine. - That's enough, Lettuce.
I'm just concerned about the child, Jimmy.
You know what? You don't have to worry about anything.
And my son is doing fine.
Well, I would just hate to see you do what your daddy did.
- Excuse me? - Quiet as it's kept.
I never thought he was good enough to be in this family anyway.
He weren't ever around. You weren't ever around.
You know, Lettie, you are the worst part of family.
Evelyn, I'm just being honest.
And sometimes honesty can be a hard thing to take.
It's no wonder I'm the way I am. You're just like Mama was.
Don't bring Mama into this, Evelyn.
Mama was a saint. Her and daddy too.
Oh, please. The both of'em, they ran me to the bottle and you to ho'in'.
Ho? [Laughing]
Oh, girl. My sons are-
I ain't gonna start. You-You-
This is supposed to be a family dinner, and we gonna do this right.
Well, this ain't Soul Food, and we ain't the Cosbys.
I am not gonna sit here, let you tear everybody down at this table...
and then act like it's okay.
Well, it looks like you doin' a good job of tearing everybody down yourself.
This is supposed to be a pleasant dinner.
We're all here because Sheldon is leaving tomorrow, okay?
- [Chuckles] You leaving? - Well-
- Ain't nobody going nowhere! - That's what I'm trying to-
- Shut up! - What?
I didn't mean "shut up" shut up. I mean just shut up!
Look at her, always trying to tell somebody what to do with her fat ass.
You call me fat again...
and I'm gonna go upside your big hat-wearing head with a biscuit.
Now, look here, Jackie, Eugene...
Abby.
You know I ain't perfect.
I'm stubborn...
ornery, opinionated sometimes.
- Mean-spirited. - Insulting.
- Inflexible. - All right, all right! I get it!
But in my own way, all I have ever tried to do...
was to make this the best family I knew how.
And that meant sometimes I may say things or do things...
that, well, when I think back on it now...
I guess, l- I'm not proud of.
- Mama. - Jackie.
I know you plan on leavin'.
You done found some opportunity to go somewhere and make something out of your life.
But what you don't know is that I've been pushin' you.
Pushin', pushin', pushin'.
[Laughs] Look at her. Drunk as a skunk.
- I am not drunk! - Mama?
Maybe I am.
That don't have nothing to do or change anything that I got to say right here and right now.
Evelyn, what are you trying to say?
I'm saying I can't stand you, Lettie!
You have been horrible to me ever since I was a child!
But it's because Mama was horrible to you!
I had my kids, I was horrible to them! It's that Lion King shit.
The circle- circle of life.
- Mama, you need some hot coffee? - What she need is Jesus.
- Call the reverend, Jimmy! - Shut up, Lettie.
Oh, you smellin' yourself today. [Hisses]
- Sheldon. - Mama, please.
- No. Sheldon, no. - Look-
Please, I just got to tell you this. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for all the years of pain I caused you.
I'm sorry for not being there for you.
I'm sorry that I never just opened up my arms and hold you tight.
- Mama- - And I just wanted to be able to take this time...
and tell you that I'm so proud of you...
and that no matter what you do, you are my son.
Thank you.
I remember when you were little, and I used to hold you in my arms then.
And you were so sweet and small and wrinkly and-
You were just like a little brown gumdrop.
Sweet then, and I didn't even know it.
I'm- I'm just proud of you, and... I know-
I didn't know then... but I know now that you gay.
There. I said it.
Y-You're gay.
And, um, gay as a, um-
a tangerine at Christmas.
- Gay as a, um- What did you tell me? - [Eugene] Three-dollar bill?
- Three-dollar bill! - Oh, queer as a three-dollar bill.
Queer. Queer. Queer as a three-dollar bill.
- Funny as a, um- - Funny as a fat girl on roller skates.
That's it.
But it's okay, Sheldon. It is okay. You can tell the whole world you gay.
Don't you hide yourself from nobody...
unlessin' it's about money or something...
and then I think you ought to shut up until you get your paper, player.
But you be proud! You hear me? Be proud of yourself.
You stand up. You just stand up, baby.
Everybody, this is my son.
He's one of the gays.
And he wants to be called Patrick.
And I love this white boy too.
I love you because you love my son.
- Thank you. - No. Thank you.
- What about me and Abby, Mom? - Eugene, hush!
- This ain't about you. - You know, Mama, look.
What I was trying to tell you before...
is that we have already decided...
for a little while anyway, we're gonna stay in Paris.
- You gonna come here and live with me? - Uh, no, no, no.
[Laughing] We, uh-
Tomorrow morning we're gonna get up and look for a place to rent.
Oh, well. Gabe, that's good news.
- I already knew. We've been talkin' about it all night. - Really?
Wait a minute. What kind of newfangled shit is this?
- Shut up, Lettie. - Oh, this is beautiful.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!
Don't you just love happy endings?
I have some news, since I done told all you your business.
I am having sexual relations with the taxi driver... Percy.
- [Jackie] Ooh! - [Eugene] Aw!
I love him because-
¢Ü He first loved me ¢Ü
- Oh, shit. Mama! - Aw, damn!
Somebody get some iced water, some sweet tea or something. Come on.
Come on now. Oh, hell.
That's a damn shame.
That's basically how every situation goes every single time.
¢Ü¢Ü[Man Singing]
- Well, I'm gonna go get some more pie. - Okay. Pie!
Well, I've done the dishes and I finished my homework.
Huh. Good. How is your grandma?
She's doin' okay.
Hmm. Well, that's all I wanted. Good night.
Oh, you, uh, brush your teeth?
- Yes, sir. - You wash up?
- Yep. - I guess good night then.
Wait. Did you say your prayers?
Prayers. Yeah.
Um-
Everybody prays before they go to sleep. Don't you?
[Laughs] O-Of course.
You know, I'm- I'm really big on prayers.
So, you know, we can-
Let's pray, buddy.
- Okay. - Okay.
Dear God, I want to say thanks for my family, my friends and my toys.
I want to thank you for dinner, peach cobbler.
- Mmm. - Bless Aunt Jackie, Uncle Eugene...
Pudge...
Aunt Lettuce and Ryan too.
I especially thank you for bringing my dad to me...
and letting me have a real family.
Bless my dad and my mom in heaven.
- Amen. - Amen.
Um, okay.
Gabe?
I love you.
Love you too, Dad.
He called me "Dad."
[Sheldon Narrating] "You have to go the way your blood beats.
"If you don't live the only life you have...
"you won't live some other life...
you won't live any life at all. "
James Baldwin.
Oh, this is beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!
Don't you just love happy endings?